What a busy little bee I am...
Well this past Monday I had to work and sadly miss my worship practice :(
But I definately reaped plenty of benifits. Somehow I almost ended up serving everyone (waitress people!) I made about $66 dollars in tips which was awesome. And today I woke up early (uh...yeah) and went to Cj's with Brandi and then ran into Jewel and got Jinah a "Happy Feet" birthday balloon, card and candles (for her donut) It was truly amazing and awesome. If she can we're going to Olive Garden tonight then I'm going to worship!
Oh the wonders of school never cease to dampen high spirits....
Yeah so basically I feel allergic to school. Not the work, although that sucks too, not the people, although some of them suck also, but just the atmosphere. I walk around doing my normal routine and bam! The anxiety attacks, I can't breathe, it makes me feel sick to eat. I don't know if I can take it all at once... I just really feel like I shouldn't be here. I feel like I belong elsewhere. My head hurts, I might have a temperature, and I just don't know what to do. How can I be here feeling this way? Do I need a high dose of medication to help with the anxiety? I honestly don't know.
Last night I was in my mom's bed cry because of how scared I am of failing... Not only at school but in every other aspect too. I cried for the first time in day because I was scared. I wasn't depressed about something but the thought of losing everything to this scares me.
I don't really know what else to do, the only thing that takes my mind off of this is work. So at least I'm working tonight. It might do me some good to keep me occupied.
Thank Goodness
It's odd how a year ago I remember exactly what I was doing. Where I was, who I was with, and what I ate. It seems so far and so distant and was one of the best and worst experiences of my life, but guess what? I'm so happy it turned out this way.
My relationship with God is at an all time high
I have a job
I have have the best friends I could ever want
I've gotten a new baby cousin!! Sydni!
Even though things are hard, I'm so happy. I finally feel like I found my place. Working, singing, being a full time student has never looked so bright! I love this, and thank goodness this day doesn't have to mean anything anymore. Letting go never looked nor felt this good...
I recommend it...
