The Silence

Sorry...

Yeah, I haven't been here all too much. I have a lot of stuff going on between family, therapy, and trying to enable my belief in God into everything I do. I had a talk with my friend Will yesterday and we talked about some personal stuff which will not be resaid, but we came to the conclusion it makes all the difference in the world to live for God. True. And by reading "Every Young Woman's Battle" I know that any guy I meet, their relationship with Christ is the most important. I know that if somehow I became in the middle of that I wouldn't be able to forgive myself entirely. No matter what God should always come first and I don't plan on anyone ever taking that place again. I learned a lot from that book. How to help my brothers-in-Christ and how to help myself and protect my heart. I had no idea that romance novels were that bad, I didn't know how much visual things effected guys. I didn't know how broken my heart still was after everything. I do now realize that I know how to have a healthy, long lasting relationship with a Christian brother. Trust me it is hard. I've been trying to train my mind and my thoughts from anything sexual, even though I'm a girl, stuff like that pops into your head. Especially when crude jokes follow you everywhere. I have done things I'm not proud of but I will NOT let that hold me back from my relationship with Christ. I learned how much I needed to protect my heart to allow God to be in it. I can't just give it to anyone, I don't want to. I want to be with someone who will respect that. Who will never want or expect me to put them first and will honor my relationship with Christ. It will not come second. It will never come second. This morning I read about 6 chapters of Romans, underlining and highlighting things that can help me. I'm being "pro-active" in my faith also. Making sure that there will be nothing to deture it. I've bought some other Christian books that will help me too. Help me learn to become like Christ, someone that God would be proud of even though He love me unconditionally. It's an amazing feeling. I've cut down on swearing, I've been trying to dress more modestly so I will not hurt a brother in Christ, and I've been training my mind hard. I am leaving my life of sin because I want to. Of course I will sin and make mistakes but I won't intentionally anylonger. I hope that everyone will help keep me accountable in this because I do need it too. And yeah, the whole "pink" thing earlier, yeah I thought it just needed to be brighter lol.
Godbless

posted by Courtney @ 11:26 AM